BlackBerry

Howdy everyone! I am getting a new phone and need your opinion. My two year contract with Tmobile has expired and so I called them to see what freebies/deals I can get. Sooo....I was offered:

BlackBerry Curve for $149

OR

BlackBerry Pearl for $99

Basically, I wanted a phone with email and internet access. At first, I wanted the Pearl, b/c it is small. But I got the Curve b/c I figure I can get used to the big size. I have 30 days to decide weather to keep the Curve.

I wanna know which one do you guys have? Curve or Pearl? Which one do you like and why?

Please Help

Reset Button

"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing -- then we truly live life." ~Greg Anderson

Lately, I have been reflecting on my life a lot, thinking about my past, present, and future.

The Past

This all started about two weekends ago, on a Friday night, when I was cleaning up my room at my parent's place. While I was cleaning up, I came across many pictures from when I was VSA president at LB, Vietnamese community pics, and traveling pics. These pictures reflected the good times in my life. I was once so passionate about being actively involved in the Vietnamese community and aspired to make a change, to help build a better Viet Nam. At the time, I was involved with two non-profit organizations. This passion helped me look forward to the unknown future and made my life meaningful. At the time, I was determined to juggle a dual career - corporate finance world and non-profit. After three years, I realized it was hard to juggle a full time job/career and doing non-profit on the side. Eventually I became burnt out and my body reacted negatively due to stress. Two years ago, I had to take a break from my passion due to stress and my health.

The traveling pics reflected another awesome part of my life, my other passion. I have always loved traveling - it was such a joy of being able to immerse into a new culture, learning new languages, and making international friends.

On Sat morning, the following day, I was chatting with a friend and she gave me a business proposal. She asked me if I wanted to quit my job and move to another country to help her with a non-profit for about 6-12 months. The proposal reminded me of how I always wanted to do this before. Again, I was reminded of my passion.

Sat afternoon, I went to a used bike shop to buy a road bike. The ghetto used bike shop and the bike I bought reminded me of the used bike that I bought from a ghetto bike shop when I was living in China.

Sat night, I went to a Black April Commemoration in Little Saigon. Going to this event reminded me of when I was once gung ho about this special event. I was gung ho to the point I went to a Black April Commemoration in Australia (2004) and Washington, DC (2005). At the time, I was determined to make it a routine to go to different Black April Commemoration around the country.   

On Sun, the following day, I went on a motorcycle ride and my friend took me to his old apt. This old apt brought back memories of when I was passionate with one of my non-profits and how I would often go to this apt to work on community projects.

From those three days of going down memory lane, I realized that time has changed so much and so fast. I remembered that life used to be so simple and fun. A lot of the changes has to do with my current career. My career has forced me to put my two greatest passion on hold. I wish there was a reset button, where I can reset to the time in my life where things were much simpler, less stressful, and had lots of meaning.

Bittersweet

Yesterday morning, I woke up and checked my horoscope and this is what it said: "Cathy, It is time to accept things for what they are. An improved attitude will help to make your present situation much easier. There are some things you just cannot change, no matter how hard you try. It is time to admit this to yourself and move on." Right after reading my horoscope, I got a call from a friend who I was going to move in with. After some discussion, we both decided that it is best for me to not move in. After this phone call, I realized that my only option is move back home to Lakewood with my family.

It all started about 3 weeks ago when my roommate decided to give me 30 days notice that she is moving out. Of course, I panicked, due to the short amount of time I had, and searched like crazy for a replacement roomie and also looked for another place to stay. It was defintely hard because I was studying for my GMATs at the same time. After searching for only a week, my friend Mark, introduced me to two potential people. Of the two, I picked a really cool girl. She was set on moving in until my property manager decided to increase the rent. After the increase, we both decided that we needed to look for other places. During my searches, I did considered to live in the Southbay, to be closer to work, however, after checking out the places, I felt my heart was set in West LA. About a week ago, I talked to my other friend who lives in Culver City and was going to move in with him. However, yesterday after talking with him, we both decided that it is best for both of us if I didn't move in.

Initially, many people have told me that I should move back home. I didn't consider that as an option because I just moved out to be on my own about 7 months ago. I really liked the feeling of living as a city girl in West LA.

Yesterday, I reflected on my personal changes that happened within the last 7 months. I realized that I have changed a lot, for the better, within those 7 months.

 I knew I have changed when I called my dad about 2 months ago and told him that I loved him. That was my first time ever saying that and it was hard at first to say it, but it felt good in the end. For the past 7 months, I was able to find a peace and mind for myself. For the longest time, I had a lot of grudges and bitter feelings against many people, including my own dad. However after living on my own and going to the temple to meditate, I learned about unttachment and letting it go.

To quickly describe myself as a person, for the past 26 years of my life, I lived a life full of attachments. I was attached to everything, everyone, memories, and ideas. Don't get me wrong, I do love change, but I always held on to old memories. I realized that attachment causes me to be sad at times. For example, one of my attachments I rememeber is when I was living in Asia/Australia for 6 months after college. I moved to different countries a lot and everytime I moved, I was sad about leaving the country and sad about leaving the new friendships I created. After returning to the States, for 3 years, I tried so hard to keep in touch with all these friends. It always seemed like I put in the most energy to retain the friendships and the memories.

Through meditation, I learned that attachment can lead to suffering. I totally agree. I mean, it is ok to attach yourself, but you will need to learn how to let it go. Through letting it go, I felt more free as a person and I have found a sense of peace and mind for myself.

I am actually looking forward to going home now. I look forward to seeing my dad, my mom, and my two brothers. I feel like I have a set new outlook on how I viewed my home in Lakewood. It is definitely a GREAT feeling. Now, I look forward to be spoiled by my mom with her awesome cooking. Being at home and feeling stable, will allow me to study for my GMATs.

I am grateful of all my experiences in West LA. I will definitely miss the new friends that I made and I do hope to return to West LA in the future. Since I am exhausted from apartment/roommate searching, the feeling of leaving West LA is bittersweet.

Letting it Go

It has been three months since Hong and I have been meditating and I have now come to an awakening. I now fully understand the true meaning behind meditation and Buddhism. The common theme between meditation and Buddhism is to let things go. By letting things go, you become more focused, and as a result you make better choices in life.

When one meditates, you are supposed to have a clear mind and only focus on connecting your mind and body through the breathing techniques. Through meditation, it has made me become more focused and less stressed with day to day activities. I can honestly say that through practicing Buddhism and meditating, it has made me become a better person. I am not saying I was once evil nor did something bad to another person. For once it has made me become better in a sense that I don't hold grudges against anyone anymore.

I used to hold grudges against many people. One of these people was my beloved Father. In the past, when I think about my dad, I often think about how he treated me when I was younger. I grew up in a family with two brothers, with me being the only girl. Of course, my dad was protective of me. Growing up, I have always hated how he believed that boys are better than girls. For years, I would always tried harder and prove that he was wrong. He was always harder on me and often doubted my abilities. One of the factors that made me hold a grudge against him for the longest time was when I left to go traveling for 7 months after graduating from college. He was totally against it. He didn't like the idea of me being a girl and traveling to Asia by myself for so long. I remembered that a couple of days before I left, he stopped talking to me and he didn't say good-bye to me when I left for the airport. I was really hurt for the longest time about this. Through meditation, I was able release this grudge against my dad. I came to the realization that he really loves me and didn't want me to get hurt.

I think not having a grudge has helped me become a better person. I am able to have pure love and care for my dad, co-worker, and other people. When you don't have a grudge, you have this heavy ugly weight lifted from your body and as a result you open up more as a person and see the true beauty in people and in this world.

Overall, by letting things go and becoming more focused, it has helped me with work, family, and friends. I am really satisfied with work right now. I have recently received a nice bonus and I got a good review, where I was told I was one of the top people in my dept, which means I will get a nice raise. Yea!!! And another good thing is that I got a call today for an interview in another department. The interview is this Wednesday. I am excited. Being at Raytheon for four years, my goal is always to learn a different aspect of finance every year. So far, I have accomplished that. Recently, I have debated weather it was time to go, since I am approaching my year's service with this department. The reason I debated was because I am at the point where I am highly valuable in my department. If I leave, that means I will have to start over and rebuild my reputation. After a long thought, I concluded that it is time to go and learn new challenges. New challenges make me happy.

As for how meditation helps me with friendship, I noticed that I have been opening up more and becoming more welcoming. Lately, I hade made many new friendships. These are not the typical acquaintances, but rather special friends that I can have fun and enjoy a nice, deep conversation with them.

It has been three months into the new year and life has been grand.